Cold
by Bardock92
Summary: Eleanor wasn't always so emotionless...what made froze the blood in her veins? Rated T for Angst, Depression, Mentions of Alcohol, Physical Abuse, Underage Sexual Abuse, Death and the sort. Please review, don't make Diana mad, it's not a wise idea.


Disclaimer: I don't own Rule of Rose, if I did then I would make a sequel or prequel.

_Memories…_

The human remembrance of events from their past, either bad or good.

I have plenty of memories…

Though I can't seem to differentiate between those two words.

Memories…and nightmares.

Nightmares…

When a human is asleep they sometimes have "dreams."

Dreams can be defined as mental images forged in the mind during sleep, which can either result in the dream itself making sense or being utterly nonsensical.

Nightmares…

A "bad" dream so to speak, a dream where the mind focuses around something unpleasant in which they fear or hate.

I can't tell if my memories are nightmares, or my nightmares or memories.

Probably something in between.

I wasn't always an orphan.

_I know that for sure._

Though, I'm really not sure if being an orphan is different from what I was then.

After all, my "home" was nothing more than a festering dung pile.

I remember it clearly though…unfortunately.  


_Mother…I guess she was the only one who I could ever consider family._

Even though most of the time we were distant.

She was so calm, soft, kind…

Everything I wish I could be.

Father…the one person in my life I'll always hate.

I hated him…I continue to hate him.

He was the worst possible creature this world has ever spawned.

Before Stray Dog that is, I'm not sure if he can compare to that monster.

Or if he IS that monster…somehow I wouldn't be surprised if it was he.

Father always hurt me…in more ways than one.

He always yelled at me…always.

He called me useless so many times…so many times.

His breath would always smell of beer or wine…it didn't make much of a difference.

And the times he used to hurt me physically…I can still feel the bruises he left.

And the times…the times he used to touch me when mother wasn't around.

Those were the worst times.

When he would touch me…

I still have nightmares from those times.

One day though…one day changed everything.

Mother bought me something…

Something special…

A red bird.

A pretty bird.

I remember the first time I touched it…it was…soft.

Very soft.

Its feathers gave me hope.

That somewhere out there…somewhere I could find my happiness.

I could grow my own wings…take flight to a new horizon.

That was…until Father killed it.

I only had him for a week…just one week.

He broke its neck…I can still remember the terrible noise I heard.

That snap…that horrible bending sound.

I don't know why he did it…he had a smug look on his face afterwards.

That was the first time I ever cried…the only time I ever cried.

He crushed my hope.

But somehow or another, I kept my hope alive.

I always kept the bird in his cage from that day on…I still do.

To me, it didn't matter if it was dead or not.

I just needed to see it…I needed to have it continue to give me hope.

The next day I went to the market to get groceries…I took my cage with me.

When I returned…my house was in flames.

I was too shocked to panic…and perhaps to numb to do anything else.

After the fire had been put to rest by men with hoses, the fire was identified to have started because my father left a still lit cigarette out on the lawn.

I could almost taste the irony.

_  
The bodies of Mother and Father were found…what was left of them._

I didn't cry though…I think ever since Father killed my little friend a part of me died too.

When I went to the Red Rose Orphanage everyone always looked down on me for being different then them.

Maybe it was because I carried around the birdcage whilst my bird itself was dead.

Maybe it was because they didn't know me that well.

Maybe it was just because they didn't like me.

I suppose it doesn't matter now.

I am Countess now after all.

I remember when Diana and Megara took my cage and my outfit; trying to incite rage or sorrow in me no doubt.

It didn't work.

I had been numb from the day that Father did what he did.

I guess I truly died when decided to tell me the truth.

Even though numb, I tried to hold my head high and keep my hope.

I tried to hold onto the belief that I could grow wings and fly away from my misfortune.

That's what I told anyway.

He told me I was a fool.

A fool.

I still remember the sting I felt at those words.

Fool.

He told me to give up such ambitions, that I was they were of no use to reality.

That in the real world, there is no happy ending.

Everything ends in death.

I was no longer Eleanor from that day on…I think Eleanor died that day.

I've given up such foolish things like emotions.

I've given up hope and all it's false promises.

And I've given up the fool that was Eleanor.

I still carry my cage…as a reminder.

A reminder of not to repeat such foolish mistakes ever again.

A reminder never to be a fool.

I only exist until I die…that is my fate.

That's the fate of everyone.

I live alone…

I die alone…

I am alone.

Alone…and forgotten.

FIN.

_**Author's Note: I hope all ROR fans enjoyed this little fic of mine; there just aren't enough Rule of Rose fanfics out there!**_

True enough, this story was dark, gloomy, depressing and just plain harsh at times…but not everything in life is happy sparkle rainbow ponies now is it?

The reason I added so much angsty melancholy to Eleanor's past is because she hardly if EVER talks in the game. She is shown to be cold and downright emotionless, something not show in any other of the children.

I decided to give her a bit of a less than desirable past…I think I did a good job.

What with having a wreck of a house, a mother she really never saw (except for a few occasions), a drunk father who degraded, beat and sexually abused her…yeah, all that stuff of a horrible childhood.

I REALLY would appreciate some reviews with this story and upcoming others…I just ask that the people who view my work at least state their opinion of it; not being the lazy type of crowd who doesn't even give a single statement about it.

Coming up with this stuff isn't easy in the least…it's kinda hard.

Okay scratch that, it can be REALLY hard.

Though I must admit I did have a bit of fun with this fic (when I mean "fun" I mean delving into Eleanor's persona, NOT making her childhood a living hell.)

I mean, how often have we seen Eleanor-centric oneshots/POV's in the Rule of Rose fanfic section?

I can't believe I'm honestly the FIRST person to right an Eleanor centric fic for Rule of Rose.

Everyone else seems focused on Jennifer, Meg or Diana…specially Diana. *Drools*

_**Not that I have any problem with those fanfics, the two previous fanfics I did regarding Rule of Rose regarded Megara and Diana in both accounts…Jennifer was mentioned in only one.**_

I think we need a bit more diversity for Rule of Rose…not saying anyone is forbidden from writing else.

I'm just saying, what about all the other great characters from Rule of Rose?

Gregory AKA Stray Dog? (Pretty much the name that made even Diana's trousers turn brown? EVERYONE feared him!)

Joshua? (Even though unseen, he was nevertheless an important character. The game mentions pretty much throughout the entire story.)

? (Even though he is a sick, semi-demented, twisted old pervert I haven't seen a single fanfic so far regarding him directly. Same goes from Stray Dog and Joshua.)

Amanda? (Sure she was one HELL of a CREEPY child, but she gets about as much attention as the section for Rule of Rose itself does! Which is basically, just about nothing. No offense to anyone else who's written Rule of Rose fanfics.)

Wendy? (For being the seemingly innocent yet demented little sicko who anyone who has played the game wants to kill, she has gotten ZERO attention. For being the MAIN antagonist of the game (contrary with Stray Dog) shouldn't she get a few fics relating to her? I also feel a bit of WendyxJennifer is in order, that it pretty much stated clearly in the game they had a thing for each other when they younger.)

Clara? (For being one BITCH of a boss fight in the game, no fics have been directed at her either. What the hell?)

So anyway, that's about it for under appreciated characters.

Anyway, thank you all for your time and PLEASE review.

Pretty please?

Sincerely signed,  
Bardock92


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